Relationships never end with death. In fact, it has long been accepted that various rituals are carried out to help relationships survive. For example, in the traditional Chinese family, people will fix an altar at home to worship their ancestors. Some people will keep their deceased beloved's belongings, while others talk to their dear departed's photographs like the person is still alive.

We once encountered a client who suffered prolonged grief after her husband died. She was depressed, felt helpless and had no direction. We had another who spoke with her deceased daughter's photo everyday, even though the girl had been dead for a year.

It is not difficult to imagine the kind of emotional suffering a person has if one can understand the emotional attachment between the deceased and the survivor.

It is very common for bereaved people to experience mixed feelings of confusion, helplessness and a paradoxical feeling of recalling snippets of the past, while at the same time forcing oneself to let go of the deceased.

It is very important to understand that in the course of grief, one has to work through all these mixed feelings to get on with life. Talking to reliable people about the grief, maintaining regular routines and taking good care of physical health are some of the basics for getting through the trauma. The day you can think of your deceased beloved without the stinging feeling in your heart, you will know you have successfully worked through the grief while keeping them secured in your memories.

Seek help from the Psychological Services Group. For Hong Kong Island call 2866-6206 (new address: 5/F, 111 Leighton Road, Causeway Bay). Kowloon and the New Territories: 2735-3739 (22/F, Ocean Building, 80 Shanghai Street).

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