The loss of a loved one is something one must encounter in life. When we lose someone dear to us, most of us will be distraught with grief and may suffer from depression for a period of time. If we handle this traumatic period properly, we can overcome this loss gradually. However, if it is not carefully handled, the consequences can be very serious and also affect our future life.

In October 1998, the death of my wife struck me heavily. A wrong decision from the beginning led to such a painful consequence. I therefore often blamed myself for her death.

After her funeral, everything seemed to return to normal. I left my daughter in the care of my sister and visited her during my spare time. After work, I was just by myself at home most of the time. Alone at home, it reminded me of the time my wife and I spent together. I thought of the old days. I didn't know whether it was because of my personality or the nature of my job, it wasn't easy for me to talk to others about my feelings, not even with my relatives. When I was with friends, I even tried to show them that I had recovered from my sorrow, but away from them, I cried. My emotion was so suppressed that I tried to mesmerise myself by smoking, drinking and excessive entertainment, hoping that my emotional problems would be solved, but indeed this created another hidden crisis.

With my wife's death, I had to shoulder the mortgage payments of our flat all by myself. The daily livelihood expenses and my excessive spending habits also took a toll on my financial health. At first, I only suffered from the loss of my wife, but now with my financial problems, my emotional problem worsened. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that there was only one way to solve my problems. I was stupid enough to believe that only death could solve everything. Luckily, my physical condition was not seriously affected. I just received treatment in a hospital for a short time. While in hospital, I also received proper psychological treatment and together with the care and encouragement from my relatives, I re-evaluated my personal problems. I understood what went wrong with my life in the past. I misunderstood that money meant everything. I realised that family ties were most important. After I was discharged from hospital, I re-adjusted myself. I tried to build up a relationship with my relatives. Though many problems could not be solved immediately, I now believe that everything can be resolved in the end.

I have learned something from this incident. When we encounter problems, most of us would prefer to face and solve these difficulties by ourselves. Seldom do we discuss such matters with others. However, when we have to face the problems just by ourselves, we will run into difficulties. As the saying goes, "Two heads are better than one". The suggestions put forward by others may not necessarily work, but the discussion process will help us contemplate from different perspectives. Besides, one can relieve one's emotion and reduce the impact through dialogue.

Remember, "a difficult situation is not the end, you can always see light at the end of the tunnel".

(Consent has been obtained from the writer to publish this article.)

Stress management workshop

The PSG will organise a stress management workshop to be conducted in Chinese.

* Date: March 9

* Time: 9 am - 12.15 pm

* Venue: Police Sports and Recreation Club Sportsman Bar

Reservation: PSG (2866-6207)

Thirty places are available on a first-come, first-served basis.

Seek advice and help from the Psychological Services Group:

PHQ, Hong Kong Island and Marine: 2866-6206 (5/F, 111 Leighton Road, Causeway Bay); Kowloon and the New Territories: 2735-3739 (22/F, Ocean Building, 80 Shanghai Street, Kowloon).

PEN: psg@police.gov.hk