Family Life Education Series
"Empty Nest" or reaching new heights!
from Welfare Services Group
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In this article, which approaches the end of our present series, we discuss the mentality of parents whose children have grown up and left home to set up their own separate families. This is the age when the parents are also facing retirement. Professor Wong Chung-kwong of Positive Living United Services discusses how to relate to your spouse and adjust to changes within oneself at this time.
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There's a new life ahead after the kids leave home
All parents will face the ultimate stage of parenthood: all the children have left and the home has become an "empty nest". Making matters worse, this final stage of parenthood coincides with the last stage in life: senescence! The convergence of these two "factors" - empty nest and old age - often makes life very miserable indeed!
Many people think there are only two stages in life. The first stage of growth, from birth until the late teens or early twenties, is characterized by "growth", i.e. the body (and hence life) grows. From then on there is very long second stage of "growing old" which is characterized by degeneration of the body (and hence life, too), and ends in death.
But this is a very wrong concept. It is true that our body grows until the late teens or early twenties and then starts to degenerate. However, life itself should not degenerate. As we advance in age, we accumulate precious experience and knowledge as well as broaden our social circles and connections. What is more, we clarify our values and goals, and hence become clearer in our directions. We should grow wiser as we grow older. We should also grow more committed to life. That is why life itself should always be a process of "growing up" rather than "growing old".
The stage of "empty nest" should not be a stage of passivity or inactivity. What we must do is to re-define our goals. We may no longer have active parental or occupational roles. But that means we are set free to pursue the dreams, hobbies or activities that we have for years cherished but never had the time to do.
Many couples do experience new things and hence enjoy an even more intimate and romantic relationship. For example, they go travelling, studying, dancing, singing, doing voluntary work, or even starting a business for the first time in their life. And, of course there are the more "traditional" activities such as looking after grandchildren.
We grow old not from age but from our heart! If we feel old, we will grow old. The stage "empty nest" stage should not be a stage of loneliness or misery. Rather it should be a stage of harvest, advancement and fulfilment.
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Anyone with questions or comments should please feel free to call your respective regional welfare officer. (All consultations are treated in total confidence.)
HKI : 2804-1570
(The full text will be uploaded onto the Healthy Lifestyle Website of POINT)
MAR : 2301-1670
KE : 2304-1400
KW : 2150-7988
NTN : 2673-5983
NTS : 2418-0050