Family Life Education Series
Train your children to acquire the ICAN attitude to life
Positive Living United Services Chairman, Professor Wong Chung-kwong, urges Force members to 'train your children to acquire the ICAN attitude to life'. He believes that the ICAN model is the right track to take in raising our children.
Life is a unique 'road' for each individual. To live a successful and happy life, we need to do two things. First, we need to have direction and goals. Second, we need to make the right choices at the many 'turning points' in life. There are important 'turning points' on this road and they are opportunities, changes, challenges, risks, crises, temptations and setbacks. At any of these turning points we make a turn, whether consciously or unconsciously, and whether voluntarily or involuntarily. For example, in seizing an opportunity or overcoming a crisis we often make a turn for the better whereas becoming demoralised because of a setback or falling into a temptation, we make a turn for the worse.
There are two main and related obstacles blocking people from making the right decisions and taking the right turns on this road of life. The first obstacle is their 'habits'. Human beings are very habit dependent creatures. We follow the same patterns of perceiving, thinking, feeling and behaving. Most people feel 'not themselves' when they have to change their habits and most resist changes or are unable to persevere in the changes they have made. The second obstacle is the lack of awareness that we should regularly examine ourselves and our circumstances. The world is changing very rapidly and, because of these two obstacles, many people are unprepared, bewildered and even defeated at important turning points in their lives.
This is why parents must train children to acquire the abilities of self-reflection and of taking control of their habits. I suggest they use the ICAN model that I have devised, which is based on psychotherapeutic principles. You may remember having seen this diagram of the model several months ago. The inside circle is 'personality functioning' which is formed by the interaction of four functions: perception, emotion, behaviour and self-value. The continuous interaction of these four functions constitutes each individual's unique pattern of being, and that is 'personality functioning' as defined in the model. Mastering these four functions will ensure high quality and effective personality functioning as a whole. The way to mastery is through the outside circle of the model which is the self-empowering circular process of 'I' (Insights); 'C' (Confirmation); 'A' (Abilities); and 'N'(Nurture).
'Insights' is in-depth understanding of oneself (including strengths, weaknesses, deficiencies, talents) and one's circumstances (such as opportunities, changes, crises, challenges, etc.). 'Confirmation' is the confirmation of one's values, goals and improvements that need to be made. 'Abilities' is the learning of life skills. 'Nurture' is the attitude and continuous monitoring and efforts to made progress in life.
In the subsequent articles I will explain how we can use this model to bring up children with an ICAN attitude and abilities in life. I think you will agree with me that we would like our children to become 'ICAN' rather than 'I can't' adults.