Family Life Education Series
"Our Teenage Children in the 21st Century"
"Self Image Matters!"

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Teenage period is a stage of identity exploration and building up of self-image. Dr Wong Chung Kwong, Chairman, Board of Advisors of Whole Person Development Institute, explained that this is a period when parent-child relationship is as important as other ages in a child's life. The cultivation of a positive and optimistic self-image at this stage is a vital factor of success in your child's future. Following is Dr Wong's article.

When we look into the mirror, we see our image. When we look into the "mirror" of our heart, we see our self-image. Self-image is how we feel about ourselves. People with good self-image like and respect themselves. Self-image is thus a salient indicator of our psychological well being because it is a reflection of how well we accept ourselves.

Self-image is our "fortress" as it dictates not only our behaviour but also our values. People with good self-image do things and abide by values that are quite different from people with "poor" or "bad" self-image. People with good self-image are usually resilient. They resist evils and overcome failure. They often pursue noble goals in life. People with poor self-image are often brittle. They often succumb to temptations and setbacks. They may not believe in themselves or their abilities and hence lack courage or determination to pursue more challenging goals in life. People with bad self-image likewise do things and pursue goals that are consistent with their self-image.

Self-image of youth is a strong indicator of the results of parenting. Children are born with genetic potentials but not self-image or values. They formulate their self-image through years of life experience, first and foremost through their interaction with their parents. If they feel loved and valued and if their parents are effective role models, they will naturally and effectively "internalise" their parents. It is as if they carry their parents within them. When young children look into the mirror of their heart, they see themselves and their parents. Gradually they "identify" with their parents. When robust teenagers look into the mirror of their heart, they see both their parents whom they respect and love and they see also themselves whom they also respect and love. They are in harmony with themselves and their parents.

On the contrary, if they look into the mirror of their heart and cannot see their parents or they see parents whom they do not respect or love, they will look for someone else, usually someone in the public arena and among their social circles. They will be affected and may even be moulded by the people they identify with.

Parents who find their teenage children "crazy" with undesirable role models are usually upset and worried. They often either feel powerless to change their children or they may try to interfere. They should ask an important "diagnostic question": In the heart of my children, how do they see me? If they respect and love both their parents and other people, usually the problem is not serious. However, if they do not respect or love their parents, then the problem is much more serious and deep-rooted. What should parents do? A tug-of-war with these other people is usually futile and often harmful. The first important strategy is to strengthen their children's respect for them. Parents need to ask searching questions regarding themselves, such as, in particular, why have I lost my children's respect for me? The second strategy is to strengthen parent-child relationship. The searching question is why our relationship has become so poor or distant?

Self-image for youth does matter. It is more than "image". It is often their "destiny"!

(From Personnel Services & Staff Relations Branch)