Grief is a normal phenomenon in life. Grief does not exclusively mean the depressed feeling over deaths of the beloved, and also encompasses losses from normal life pattern, for example, a departing relationship, a child leaving home to study abroad and loss of health due to illness, etc. Traditional expectation on men's toughness leads to a common impression that men should be immune to negative emotions, including grief. Men socialised by this expectation are therefore less likely to detect and accept their own negative emotions. Even if they feel sad or frustrated, they expect themselves to get over it quickly. When the negative emotions do not go away after some time, they tend to deny and avoid them, or turn the negative emotions into other forms such as aggression and violence.

What evolution tells us is that every human being, regardless of sex, is subject to emotional reactions, especially at times of adversities. Men, like women, may react with sadness, anger, disappointment, confusion and fear. Emotional needs are normal behind the tough appearance. Just as there is no point of denying our physical needs for air or food that are essential for survival, it is the same with our emotional needs, which are essential for mental well-being. Both men and women can learn to face their emotions directly, accept them, deal with them in a positive way, and let them go.

The Force is an organisation with more than 85 per cent of the staff being men. We hope through this book our male colleagues can understand their own emotional needs, and recognise that it is alright to feel lost and seek help if needs arise. The real strong men are those who have wisdom to face their vulnerabilities and balance their emotional needs.

Seek advice and help from the Psychological Services Group: 28666206

(5th floor, 111 Leighton Road, Causeway Bay). PEN: psg@police.gov.hk

(All cases will be kept in strict confidence.)