Family Life Education Series
Family Harmony: Everlasting Love

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In this article, which is a continuation of last month's article on the same subject, Dr Wong Chung-kwong, Chairman, Board of Advisors of the Whole Person Development Institute, describes how everlasting love should not only be a means to an end (happy marriage), but also an end in itself.

"More and more couples seem to be disillusioned with marriage, and no wonder the saying that 'Marriage is the graveyard of love'! That does not have to be the case. This article follows on my last article 'A Happy Marriage: Reality versus Fantasy'. Please read that article as well.

"Everlasting love can be yours if you put your mindset right and do it right. I have three important tips to share.

"First, the most important mindset is related to a very simple question: 'I fell in love with my spouse because he or she was similar to me in personality?' For example, if I happened to be an introverted person, I can ask, 'Was he or she like me, also being an introverted person? Or was he or she the opposite of me, being an extroverted person?' Do try to give a 'Yes' or 'No' answer to this question (even if you feel she or he is '51 per cent introvert' and '49 per cent extrovert', the 'introvert' has it).

"There is no right or wrong, or good or bad answer. In fact, we can be attracted by and fall in love with people similar to us because 'birds of the same feather flock together'! We can also be attracted by and fall in love with people the opposite of us because of complementary reasons. We admire people with characteristics that we do not possess. For example, a shy person often admires people who are eloquent and socially competent.

"After many years' of marriage, the very reason that attracted people together often has become a reason for constant dissatisfaction. Two people who are similar in personality now find each other deadly boring being together. Two people who are dissimilar now find each other 'miles apart'. It is a situation of 'head I lose, tail you win' for 'dear poor marriage'!

"So this is the first important mindset: Never forget why you and your spouse were attracted to each other in the first place, and never stop appreciating each other (whether you two are similar or dissimilar) and do not stop making yourself 'appreciable'!

"The next mindset tip is related. Never fall into another deadly mindset trap. Never say to your spouse: 'I have been like this since you knew me on day one. Why 'complain?' People must continue to 'grow'. I mean psychological growth. We must continue to better ourselves so that we become even better persons and our spouses will continue to respect and appreciate us.

"The third tip is about 'doing it right'. However in love are two persons, who are still two independent human beings. That means they should have time to be alone and also time together. They must feel free, understood and supported when they are doing things on their own. When they are together, they must enjoy being together and also enjoy doing things together. This is why developing common interests, hobbies and activities are so important. Some couples enjoy doing sports together, other enjoy social dancing, karaoke, mahjong, etc.

"Everlasting love must not only be a wish; it must also be a goal and a path. The goal is set when two persons decide to get married. It is up to them to set the path right and to walk hand in hand with the right mindset and in the right manner. That will make everlasting love a reality."

Family Carnival 2005

The Welfare Services Group is going to organise Family Carnival 2005 on May 8 in PSRC. The event will feature a Thematic Talk on family harmony, stall games, exhibition, as well as essay and drawing competition on the same theme.

PS & SR Branch Welfare Services