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When two persons marry, their family members - parents, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles - enter the picture just like that. People can easily recall the nervous moments of "meeting his/her parents". What happens to the in-laws after the marriage?
At the Family Carnival 2005 on Mother's Day, the issue of relationships with in-laws was explored and we believe this is one of the significant factors affecting harmony in families. Let's explore the idea further in this article. Firstly, followings are some of the myths and reality issues in our relationships with our in-laws:
| Myths |
In Reality |
| My in-laws and myself have different personality and it will not be able to get along with them |
Generation gap and difference in expectations |
| My spouse is always on my in-laws' side7
|
Difference in values & beliefs |
| My in-laws always get in the way in child-rearing |
Authorities are being challenged |
| In-laws tend to interfere with our daily live
|
Generational gap |
| My in-laws gang up on me |
Mistrust of each other & lack of communication |
| Letting my in-laws have their way sometimes will make things worse |
Exaggeration |
| My spouse tends to minimise my complaints in order not to upset my in-laws |
Your spouse fails to mediate between the two sides |
There are no right or wrong answers for relationships. Some of the ways we suggest for you to resolve conflicts are:
| Advice to the in-laws |
Advice to self |
Advice to spouse |
| Respect role changes after marriage of your child |
Pay more respect to your spouse's parents |
Be a fair mediator |
| Minimise the generation gap by updating yourself |
Relax and smile to minimise conflicts |
Be considerate by providing comfort and support to your better half |
| Accepting your son's or daughter's in-law with open arms |
Allow your in-laws to feel valued and respected, and provide a sense of accomplishment for them |
Encourage the elderly to expand their social circle |
| Respecting your married children's lifestyle |
Be thoughtful; never make your spouse choose between you and the in-laws;
never be critical of the in-laws or in conflict with them in the open |
Minimise the generation gap |
It is easier said than done and it takes continuous and long-term efforts; but ensuse that whoever takes the move will be rewarded with harmony in their families.
PS & SR Branch Welfare Services Group
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