Family Life Education Series
Family Harmony-
Connection & Empowerment

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In this article, we continue with the advice by Dr Wong Chung-kwong, Chairman of Whole Person Development Institute on how to cultivate a meaningful and constructive child/parent relationship. He has stressed the importance of developing a child's self-esteem at young age and in this article, he moves on to discuss how to bring out the best of family, through two important key words: "connection" and "empowerment".

Families bring out the best or the worst of people, depending on the quality of relationships. We have all heard about the most touching and also the most tragic stories about families.

To bring out the best of family, the two most important key words are "connection" and "empowerment". I would like to share with you some tips about each key word.

Connection: Building high quality family relationship

Emotional sensitivity is the key to building good family relationship. Emotional sensitivity is the ability to feel the feelings of family members. Good emotional sensitivity ensures that we do not misunderstand and do not take family members for granted.

Empathetic listening is the ability to listen to understand and to feel. Families that do not have such habits or abilities are often in conflicts because misunderstanding is common in these families. Families that practise empathetic listening seldom have conflicts.

A good balance between interdependence and independence: Every individual is an independent being. Successful parents realise they do not "own" their children. Rather they love them and bring them up to become independent and mature people. Successful couples realise they must respect the needs, wishes and emotions of their spouses. Mature love is never possessive. Successful and happy families are characterised not only by a strong sense of cohesion and loyalty but also by feelings of freedom. Members of these families have learnt to respect one another and they know how to strike a good balance between being interdependent and being independent.

Empowerment: Bringing the best out of family members

Feeling understood: Although we may not be able to render any actual help to relieve the burdens of family members, we can always help by understanding their feelings. Feeling understood removes the sense of loneliness and helps cherish hope.

Support and encouragement: Everyone must live one's own life. Parents cannot take the place of their children when they have to sit for examinations. I still remember I wished "if only I could be sick for him" when my oldest child was sick for the first time. That is clearly impossible. Support and encouragement energise people particularly in times of stress and crisis.

Appreciation and praise: It is so easy to forget about the courtesy and appreciation for family members. Appreciation and praise greatly reinforce good behaviour. We should freely give appreciation and praise in words and in actions to our family members.

The family is the anchor of our existence. Even though we may be living on our own, we still exist in the context of a family because we are still connected in our heart and memory to our origin. It is so important that we give our best to our families. A happy family is one of the keys to a life without regret.

PS & SR Branch Welfare Service Group