Marriage is a big issue in life we must face up to. But what indeed is marriage? Is it the tomb of love? Or is it a state of how love continues? Why do we get married? These questions are worth pondering. Welfare Services Group of the Personnel Services and Staff Relations Branch has invited the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council to look into these questions.

Dear young friends, if you're contemplating getting married in the future, it's indeed a critical choice in life.

At present, various social and individual factors have led to the phenomenon of late marriage and birth. In average men only get married between the age of 29 and 31 while women between 28 and 30.

In a late marriage, both parties are more mature and practical. Young people contemplating marriage have run for love long enough. Having weathered joy and sorrow, storm and test, after all they still wish to form a family and be together for a lifetime.

Nowadays people contemplate getting married mainly because they feel their relationship is mature and they love each other. However, mere "love" is not enough for a marriage.

Many young people opt for "trial marriage" or co-habitation instead because they lack confidence in marriage. What they fear most is what people generally say - "marriage is the tomb of love".

It appears that marriage will ruin love. But I want to ask: does love vanish after a couple get married?

No, it doesn't! A married couple must still have love for each other. Only their ways of expressing and demonstrating love in daily life are different from the passion and romance before marriage.

If we take a close look at marriage, we would discover that it doesn't ruin anything but only exposes what lies behind love.

If what lie behind love are hypocrisy, deceit and lies, then sooner or later they would be exposed after marriage. This applies to almost all relationships. Everything looks so beautiful at the beginning because we are all good at hiding and pretending, but once a relationship goes steady, we would slacken. Then you'll be able to see the very true face of him or her clearly.

If you tend to be suspicious and jealous, you'll suspect this and that after marriage. If you get used to grumbles, you'll still complain about this and that after marriage. If you find marriage dull, it is because you are a dull person yourself. No matter what kind of person you were before marriage, you'll still be the same person after marriage. Your personality is completely exposed in your marriage.

It is not marriage, which turns you ugly or bad. Marriage is only a mirror, which exposes the very true face of a person completely. It doesn't ruin love, but allows you to see the truth of love.

In addition to love, marriage means two persons form a family and live together, while economic foundation is like the wings for a bird to fly in the sky. Income and expenditure must be balanced. It is of critical importance for a newly married couple to be thrifty and to develop a habit of saving.

A happy marriage never falls from the sky: it requires mutual efforts, care and fulfillment of responsibilities. There seems to be a halo over the heads of a happily married couple. However, few people realise that behind the halo lie perseverance and hard work to make such an achievement possible.

To prepare for marriage, a good foundation is required. Attending pre-marriage seminars or pre-marriage assessments is the right thing to do. So is listening to the advice of professional social workers and the experiences of married couples about love and communication, psychological disparity of genders, sex and intimacy, handling clashes, budgeting and marital life, etc. This would certainly help you understand and adapt to life after getting married.

(PS & SR Branch Welfare Services Group)