Nowadays, families and marriages, being driven by money and material desires, will easily be caught up in the turmoil of "family relationship in negative equity". Mrs Angela Chiu from the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council told us that family relationship and peace at heart could actually be in our hands. Through certain effective practices, family and marriage could become strong and permanent, and could overcome the challenge of "family relationship in negative equity".

Poor couples have more troubles?

Money and marriage are sometimes like honey and bees, while occasionally cats and dogs. They complement each other when the love of a married couple is deep, but become mutually exclusive when hatred arises. It is an uncontroversial fact that money can buy basic necessities of life. It can also bring sensory satisfaction through different things like food and entertainment. Ultimately, many people consider that money gives psychological satisfaction, such as sense of security, achievement, control and freedom, etc. In this connection, when a conflict arises from money, the couple should first find out their individual perception of money.

Marriage is the most basic relationship of a family as well as the closest non-genetic linkage. When two get married and form a family, they fundamentally hope their intimacy can be kept life long. At the start of a family, the couple needs to work together to establish a sound economic foundation for their family so as to provide basic needs for family members. When surplus is available, material life can then be improved. However, the following points should be noted in the pursuit of material life: (1) the couple should strive for financial independence and minimise their reliance on their families of origin with a view to avoiding their relatives by marriage playing third party roles, thereby causing conflicts among them; (2) apart from coping with their daily needs, the couple should also plan for the future to ensure sustainable material supply.

When material supply is available, the couple should separate their family relationship from the material world, otherwise their relationship will be dictated by money - feeling happy when they are better off and sad when they are not. There are lots of people with property in negative equity, but there are more people who are experiencing "family relationship in negative equity". It is necessary to seek ways to separate family relationship from financial well being so that the former will not be dominated by material desires. This means family relationship and marriage have to grow stronger to overcome challenges. But how can this be achieved? Following are some suggestions for your reference.

(1) Learn to give and share: by sharing or giving unconditionally what you have, you will experience the happiness of giving and sharing.

(2) Learn to enjoy matters beyond material comforts: for example, scenery of the nature, happy feelings and moving experiences, etc.

(3) Learn to "live the moment": be a little bit short-sighted, take time to appreciate the course and enjoyment of life so that you can have more courage and strength to face difficulties.

The last point is that conflicts between money and marriage involve personal values towards material matters and family relationship. We can hardly dominate the material world; what we can do is to push ourselves to work harder. Natural and man-made calamities and major economic trend of the world are even completely beyond our control. In contrast, family relationship and peace at heart are at our personal choices. You have the choice to give more time and care to your family and express your love. In view of the above, in which areas should you invest your limited strength, efforts and time while life is so short? This is a choice that needs to be reviewed from time to time. Hope everyone will make a wise choice.

(PS & SR Branch Welfare Services Group)