Family Life Education Series
Finding harmony at home

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A happy family is a strong support system for an individual. In co-operation with the Kowloon East Headquarters, the Kowloon Welfare Office of the Personnel Services and Staff Relations Branch has invited Mrs Laurene Man, an experienced family therapist and psychological counsellor, to give a talk on "Finding Harmony at Home". Mrs Man has thoroughly examined how Force members can build and promote a happy and harmonious family, and the following is a gist of her talk.

Introduction

We must remember that family harmony does not come by magically, and that it is the result of continuous, persistent, and concerted efforts on the parts of all family members.

Case Scenarios

Case 1: One evening, Mrs Chan showed her husband the school report card their son received that day. Mr Chan found that their son failed in two subjects and had also performed poorly in other subjects. He was very unhappy and said to his wife, "I thought I could depend on you to take good care of his education!" Mrs Chan immediately retorted, "Do you think your son is an easy child to manage? I have my stress too!"

Case 2: Mr Wong was living with his mother, his wife and their seven-year-old son. One day, his son was doing his homework when the child's grandmother turned on the TV. The child could not concentrate on his revision, so his mother asked the grandmother to turn off the TV, but the latter refused. As they were arguing, dad came back home. His wife complained that his mother always spoiled the child.

Harness your impulse

Had Mr Chan paused for a moment, and handled his anxiety and worries, which welled up upon seeing the school report card, he would not have lashed out at his wife and found faults with her.

If Mrs Chan had paid some attention to her feelings, the course of her interaction with her husband might take a different direction. Mr Chan needed to do the same too.

If Mr Chan had, after reading the report card, considered that his wife might be feeling disappointed and worried, he would not have blurted out his accusatory remarks. If he had said "Don't worry! Take it easy", his wife would be grateful for his understanding and would be more positive in helping her child.

If Mr Chan had shifted his attention to his wife's possible "inside motivations", he might have more trust in his wife's attempts and efforts to help their son.

If a policeman takes his authority back home, he would, without being aware of it, run the risk of alienating himself from his family. If family members view the husband/father with deference and fear, they will hardly feel close to him.

Differences and conflicts do arise in families and are inevitable. But every time there is an argument or quarrel, there is a chance for family members to learn how to communicate, handle differences, resolve conflicts, and come to understand each other better.

(PS & SR Branch Welfare Services Group)
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