Common conflicts between married couple

The need of husband and wife for intimacy may vary in different times and situations. For example, when the wife wants to have an intimate moment with her husband, the latter may like to pursue personal satisfaction through work, hobbies and various tasks. This indicates that the pace of life between the couple is incompatible and inconsistent.

2. Conflicts over values and beliefs

Conflicts over values and beliefs are also a cause of a couple's quarrel. Everyone has developed a set of beliefs and values under the influence of his family and upbringing. The beliefs and values establish his perception of the things around him and have an impact on his pursuits, choices and behaviour. Take the use of money as an example. If one party is thrifty and saves for the rainy days, while the other pursues "immediate enjoyment", divergent views and conflicts likely arise when a joint decision has to be made.

Attitudes and approaches towards conflicts

As the upbringing experiences, personalities, interests and beliefs of husband and wife are different, divergence naturally arises. As such, in making a joint decision, a couple should always have discussions and make their thoughts known.

Efforts should also be made to understand the needs and expectations of the other party so that a joint decision can be reached by mutual agreement.

2. Handling problems in a temperate manner

In a conflict or quarrel, no opinions raised are absolutely right or wrong. The outcome of discussion will be more constructive if a couple can start a discussion with a temperate manner and mutual respect, avoid adopting an offensive or contemptuous attitude, and turn no complaint into blame.

3. Mending relationship

If a couple manages to cool down during a conflict and do their best to mend their relationship, they can minimise negative feelings. This is the key to handling conflicts. When a wide divergence of opinion gives rise to a fierce argument, the negative emotion triggered may become uncontrollable. Therefore, it is very important for a couple to find a way to pacify their emotions in order to resolve a conflict and minimise their displeasure.

4. Strengthening emotional ties

Good marital relationship is an important base on which a couple finds emotional satisfaction. Resurrecting the emotional exchanges during courtship is an essential element in re-establishing emotional ties.

Conclusion

Resolution of the conflicts of a couple rests with the efforts they make to create a positive marital relationship. The recommendations provided above, including development of a two-way communication, enhancement of the ability to resolve problems, development of positive attitude and skills for handling conflicts, and strengthening emotional ties, are the ways to solve problems and handle the conflicts between a couple.

PS & SR Branch Welfare Service Group