Although a couple may not appear to be a good match, I still believe every marriage begins with a good intention. For a couple, their purposes of getting married may not be consistent. They may only think of their own needs. Nevertheless, both of them will normally share a similar wish, that is, to establish a harmonious marriage, pursue a happy life and establish a family!

As the saying goes - the road to happiness is never smooth. This can be reflected in the following example. Mr and Mrs Chan, both secondary school graduates, worked very hard to run a shop and raise two children. Though their characters were different, they played their respective roles well and managed to maintain a sound relationship. However, when the shop had to close down due to structural transformation of the economy, Mr Chan was very frustrated and resorted to gambling as a way to deal with difficulties and pressure. This inevitably brought more damage to his marriage and family.

What could Mrs Chan do? Having been together with Mr Chan for so many years, she understood that her husband was not, by nature, a gambler, and had taken good care of the family. Therefore, she was willing to help him return to the right track, and share the family's financial commitments. However, Mr Chan felt stressful when facing his wife, because she always looked worried or was suspicious about him. Mrs Chan felt that her husband made no attempt to understand her feelings but to criticise her for not being considerate and caring.

Men need respect and women need love

Realising that his faults had greatly harmed his family, Mr Chan felt very guilty and always worried about whether he would still gain respect from his wife and children. Respect is the utmost need of men. If Mrs Chan could show her husband respect, Mr Chan would be more determined to turn a new leaf. But that was not an easy task for Mrs Chan.

It was true that Mrs Chan was worried that her husband might gamble again. The problem was she only asked her husband directly, without saying she simply wanted him to be honest with her. In fact, she was also afraid of losing her husband and family. If her husband could talk to her frankly and honestly, it could make her feel more close to him and that her husband was sensitive to her concerns. Then she would become certain about his loyalty towards her. It is important to note that spontaneous sharing of thoughts by husbands has a stabilising effect on wives, and enables the latter to receive a sign of love!

Therefore, you are encouraged to ask yourself the following questions from time to time:

For wives: Will what I am going to say or do make him feel disrespected?

For husbands: Will what I am going to say or do make her feel ignored?

You should always take note of the following signs as calls for love:

For wives: When he ignores you or tries to stay away from you, he actually calls for your respect!

For husbands: When she is angry or loses her temper, she actually calls for your loving care!

(Note: Reference is made to "Women Need Love - Men Need Respect" published by Tien Dao Christian Media)

PS & SR Branch Welfare Service Group