When we talk about "the fruit of love", what is the picture coming to your mind? A heart-warming portray in which a loving couple carrying a lovely baby, or the scene of a perplexed couple running around in circles, taking care of a crying baby?

As a married person, how do you feel about becoming a parent? Do you think it will bring hope and joy, or just overwhelming pressures and tiring duties? We believe these feelings are what parents will really have. However, the choice between positive and negative feelings largely depends on the preparation made beforehand and the efforts to adjust and adapt oneself to a new role. Whether parenting will bring happiness or worries can generally be determined at the beginning of pregnancy.

Nowadays, married couples tend to make family planning in a cautious manner. In case unplanned pregnancy occurs, a couple will inevitably feel upset, and may feel stressful if they have financial worries. At such a time, the couple should frankly express their feelings, worries, fears and expectations to each other. They should build up a close bond of support and understanding, put their minds at ease and plan for the future. This is the right way to welcome the arrival of their baby.

A pregnant woman may become emotionally unstable due to sickness caused by pregnancy and significant hormonal changes. Her self-image may also be affected following changes of her body shape. In this connection, it is very important for her husband to take supportive measures such as listening to her patiently and offering her comfort, which can pacify her unstable emotion, or going shopping with her for maternity fashion and doing something that makes her look good. If a pregnant wife feels uncomfortable, her husband may help relieve her emotional stress by giving her a massage, doing exercises or having a stroll with her, helping with household chores or buying her the food she likes. Both the husband and the wife may then start learning to share the bitters and sweets of becoming parents.

A woman becoming a mother for the first time will worry about various things, such as antenatal care or whether her baby will be born healthy. If a couple can attend antenatal class together to learn more about pregnancy, and the husband can accompany his wife to antenatal checkups for understanding her physical condition better, then they can experience together the whole course of pregnancy as well as the changes in their roles. Having a baby for the first time will bring additional responsibility to the mother. Isn't it the same for the father?

Being the focus of all attention, a smart wife should not overlook the feelings of her husband who is also subject to considerable stress arising from "pregnancy", such as financial burdens, re-arrangements of family life, additional love and care demanded by his wife, and suspension or decrease of sexual activities. All these need to be understood and noted by the wife. In fact, a couple can still have sex during most of the time when the wife is pregnant, as long as it is done in a careful and controlled manner. For example, frequency can be decreased, furious movements be avoided and postures be adjusted. It should be particularly noted that during the first three months and after the seventh or eighth month of pregnancy, the condition of the foetus is relatively unstable; therefore, sexual activity may need to be limited. With mutual understanding and co-operation, a couple may still have intimate contacts during the wife's pregnancy. They should maintain continuous communication and close connection.

If both the husband and the wife can be more concerned about the needs of their spouses, communicate frankly and show mutual support and comfort, they will certainly come through the pregnancy period with joy and hope, and lay a sound foundation for their joint effort in parenting.

PS & SR Branch Welfare Service Group