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Family Life Education Series |
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How parents deal with children's
emotions
Emotion, which is a very subjective experience, is a transient but strong physical and mental reaction to other people or things. Emotional responses are inborn, and basic emotions exist similarly in both adults and children, except that adults can clearly identify and carefully analyse different complex feelings while children express their emotions in a more simple and straightforward way. Emotion can simply be categorised as positive and negative. It is susceptible to, and interacts with, environment. Factors
affecting emotional development
A harmonious family is essential to healthy emotional development. Children who feel being loved, accepted and protected by their family are more emotionally stable. On the contrary, children being raised in a dysfunctional or alienated family are more vulnerable to anxiety and emotional fluctuations, and they are more prone to extreme reaction. Children learn how to identify and express their own emotions from other people. Parents who live with their children each and every day have naturally become the models of learning for the children. Children will be unconsciously influenced by the attitude and manner with which their parents deal with their emotions. Parental reaction to children's emotional expression will also affect their future manner of expression. If parents listen with patience, their children will understand the suitable ways of expression and become more confident in dealing with their own emotions. Steps of handling emotions
Step 1 Identify Emotion: Identify children's emotions and feelings and help them understand that humans have all sorts of feelings and emotions as well as the complexity of emotional changes. Step 2 Reflect Emotion: Speak out children's feelings in order to encourage them to further express and understand themselves. This task appears to be easy but actually it requires parents not only to observe their children's behaviour, but also to try to understand their inner feelings from the children's angle. If parents can use the right words to reflect their children's emotion, the latter will feel being understood and accepted by their parents, and understand the emotion they are experiencing. Step 3 Deal with Emotion and Solve Problem: Effectively dealing with emotion means expressing one's sentiment in an acceptable way at an appropriate time, leading to self-relief and self-alleviation. With a peaceful mind on both sides, parents can discuss and analyse solutions to problems with their children. Tips on dealing with parent-child conflict
When a parent-child conflict arises with negative emotions on both sides, a parent should deal with his or her emotion first by calming down and then telling the child: "I am very disappointed. I can't talk to you in a right mood now. I have to figure it out and calm down. Let's talk about it later." By doing so, parents can avoid uttering harsh words, and more importantly can demonstrate how to control negative emotion so that the child would understand that humans could control emotions and solve problems with calmness. If children are emotionally unstable, parents should first find them a place to calm down and then tell them: "After crying, if you feel you have calmed down, go out and you'll find me there waiting to talk to you." This will help children check their emotional overflow and reconsider the ways to tackle a problem. (Contributed by Ms Tam Chai-oi of the Boys' and Girls' Clubs Association of Hong Kong) |
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