The third stop in the Journey to Psychological Wellness (A.P.P.L.E.) is Permission to be Human.
Tal Ben-Shahar, the Professor of the popular course, "The Science of Happiness", at Harvard University, advised that one of the best ways to stay happy and lead a fulfilling life is to give ourselves the permission to be human, which means active acceptance of our reality.
We experience emotions such as anxiety, disappointment, sadness, and anger etc. Police officers would deny, suppress or turn numb when experiencing painful emotions so as to appear tough and composed. This may sound ideal at first, but the price to pay is high. Non-acceptance and suppression of emotions may eventually lead to stress, emotion overwhelming or even burnout.
Optimalist vs Perfectionist
When we permit ourselves to be human, we try to be the Optimalist, instead of the Perfectionist. The key difference between the Perfectionist and the Optimalist is the former rejects everything that deviates from their flawless and faultless ideal vision, while the latter accepts and makes the best of everything life has to offer.
1. Accepting failure: The Optimalist accepts failure as a natural part of life, learns from it and emerges stronger and more resilient. The Perfectionist, on the contrary, expects the entire life journey to be smooth and free of obstacles, and thus gets frustrated and disappointed easily.
2. Accepting painful emotions: The Optimalist accepts painful emotions as an inevitable part of life, thus giving himself the permission to experience the full range of human emotions. The Perfectionist, on the other hand, believes that a happy life comprises an uninterrupted stream of positive emotions. He rejects painful emotions and denies himself the permission to feel bad.
3. Accepting success: The Optimalist sets attainable high standards and goals. When he attains his goals, he appreciates his success and is grateful for his accomplishments. The Perfectionist sets goals and standards that are impossible to attain. Whatever he achieves, he can never be satisfied nor take any pleasure in his accomplishments.
It is easy to mistake acceptance as resignation. Acceptance means accepting the reality, recognising things as they are and choosing the course of action that is appropriate. Optimalists understand that there are inherent limitations to being human, and thus accept the unavoidable failures and painful emotions, and at the same time, allow success.
Giving yourself the permission to be human has invaluable benefits, including strengthening your resilience, allowing you to live a fuller life, better relationships and performance, etc. On the contrary, Perfectionist rejects failures and mistakes, which means rejecting the reality, leading to feelings of frustration and inadequacy, difficulties in relationship and a deprived opportunity for learning and personal growth.
Being a police officer does not require you to be a superman. Let's accept our own weakness and limitations by giving ourselves the permission to be human. We can learn to be an Optimalist and embrace an imperfect but fuller life!
